Hopes & Fears

Here I am.  Today officially marks exactly four weeks until the beginning of the third trimester.  I've been in the position 3 times before, each pregnancy different - but yet the same.  I should be used to this.  I am used to this.  But this time, it's so very different.  Milestones are sad, knowing that this is the last.  Milestones are sweeter, knowing I'm one step closer without complication.  Milestones are difficult - feeling my body giving out faster.  Heck it should be tired, it's done it 3 times before!
I do find myself wishing this pregnancy would go faster or be over already.  Which is sad.  I'm going to miss this chapter in my life.  I know I am.  It's a miracle each time it happens.  It's lovely, it's fun.  I should enjoy it.  But the truth is, as much as I want to sit back and enjoy everything like I did before - I can't.  My life doesn't stand still. . . I have a super active schedule that revolves around the kids.  And truth is, I LOVE THAT!  This baby is just going to have to come out and go with the punches!!

Right now, I am in full swing with school activities - Cass-Midway Elementary & Kinder Kastle Preschool, Girl Scouts - Daisy Troop, Brownie Troop, Junior Troop, & Cadette Troop, Parents As Teachers with Jaxen, and Library Story & Craft Time with the boys.  Not to mention all the fun things we get to do this month - such as, Disney On Ice, Girl Scouts 100th Anniversary Celebration and Field Trips!  Summer should calm some things down but then we start up with Summer Ball with Chloe.

The milestones of this pregnancy are coming and going faster than I can slow down and enjoy it.  And I think that's the way I am suppose to enjoy pregnancy #4.  Right now, milestones are the greatest joy and time to pause and reflect on this journey. 

My biggest fears are associated with complications.  And milestones are getting me through this. . . a few "milestones" that I would like to reach before any complications arise and baby is born would be:

• Getting to the 3rd Trimester (April 1st!)
• Getting through my Girl Scout Camp Out (April 27th, 28th, & 29th)
• Getting out of school for the summer.  (Jacob - May 11th, Chloe - May 15th)
• Just getting to JUNE.  The 1st will make 36 weeks, 5 days -- Meaning I would be pregnant 5 days longer than I was with Jaxen.
• Every day I stay pregnant in June will be a milestone and blessing by itself!!
• Getting to June 17th -- Father's Day -- 39 weeks pregnant, baby can officially come out!!

My mind thinks crazy things sometimes.  But this is what's getting me through. . . I celebrate little milestones rather than sit back and worry non-stop about what could go wrong.  {I think I think about the bad things enough.  Who wouldn't in my shoes!}

Next biggest stress factor -- finding a NAME for baby boy!!  :-)