Dec 20th - 3 days old

Monday started out a little rough for me.  I couldn't sleep and what little sleep I did get wasn't much.  I can hear all the other little babies crying in the rooms around me and it make me miss my little Jaxen.  I think I'm also getting discharged today and he's not, so another thing on my mind to keep me from sleeping.

My doctor woke us up this morning.  Dr. Petelin was making her rounds early thing morning so that she could get back the the Lee's Summit office.  Everything looks good on my end.  I feel like an elephant has sat on me, leaving this huge bruise on my stomach, the c-section incision burns (hopefully, it's just because the staples are still there), my legs and feet are swollen, and my back hurts (probably from sleeping in this bed).  I'd say not to bed with what I've been through, but so much farther to go before I am back to my normal self.

Just before my breakfast showed up, Jaxen's doctor and nurse did too.  I hate it when they come in pairs. . . most of the time it means that they have bad news.  Jaxen is doing great. . . little booger isn't digesting all his food at every feeding.  He does eventually digest it all, just slower than other babies.  As long as his breathing stays regular and they are pretty sure it will, the neo-natal specialist did want to start feeding him through a bottle today.  Once he's taking all his feedings through the bottle and off the IV, the only thing Mr. Jaxen has to prove is that he can maintain his temp in an open crib.  Once that happens he will be able to go home.  They say some babies do that with a day or two and some take a little longer. . . so we are looking at about 2 - 10 more days of the NICU.  I'm praying for the 2 days, I really just want him home for Christmas!! 

Then of course, after all the nurses and doctor's left the room, Jerry and I just sat there absorbing everything we were just told.  It was hard for me. . . having to start making plans to go home without him, splitting parents up between kids.  Chloe and Jacob need me at home and Jaxen needs me here.  It was all really too much for me.  Emotionally, I think everything finally came to a head and I had to let it go.  So this morning I have spent all morning crying and sobbing like a crazy person.  Which then set off a bunch of visits from nurses and specialist and people who could help me work though my emotions and people who came by to led me a helping hand or anything else they could help me with as I dealt with my own emotions.  It was a little crazy and I was having a rough morning.  Jerry has been unbelievably supportive, I'm glad he's here for me and such a great dad to the kids.  There is no way I could get through this without him.

First feeding this morning, after the doctor seen him, was once again through a tube, his breathing was just a little too high to try and introduce the bottle.  But he has been moved up from 9cc of formula to 12cc's.  The IV had to be moved last night because he pulled out the one in his arm. . . the new one is now in his foot.  I think he likes it there better because now he can get his arms and hands moving and grabbing everything!  Jerry and I stayed for an hour holding Jaxen while he slept, now we are back in our room wasting time until the next feeding at 2:30.

Just before lunch, Jerry and I took a walk.  It was nice to be able to move around.  We walked down to the cafeteria so Jerry could get some lunch. . . my lunch was waiting for me when we got back to the room.  And I wasn't halfway through my cheeseburger when Mom and Joanna walked in with Chloe and Jacob.  I tried to eat fast because we wanted to make it down to the NICU for Jaxen's lunch time.  I didn't have to ask mom twice if she wanted to go in and help. 

Jerry volunteered to stay out in the hallway with Chloe, Jacob and Joanna.  While mom and I went in to hold Jaxen while they fed him.  Only two adults can be at the baby's bedside while he's in the NICU - and one of those adults has to be Jerry or I.  When mom and I got in the NICU the nurse was already trying to feed Jaxen his first bottle. . . he was having nothing to do with it.  I raised the blinds so that they could see us out in the hallway, got comfy in the rocking chair and the nurse handed me Jaxen and the bottle.  She thought maybe I could get him to eat it, since I was the one who got him to open his eyes for the first time.  And let me tell you, Jerry was J-E-A-L-O-U-S!  He has given both Chloe and Jacob their first bottles and I was totally stealing his thunder with Jaxen.  Funny thing was that Jaxen tried to eat it and I thought he was but the bottle still measured the same.  I was afraid that they were going to give up and feed him through the feeding tube again, so I switched places with Jerry so that he could try and get Jax to eat.

Joanna and I walked back to the room with the kids because I forgot my camera. I grabbed my cell phone to get a picture of Grandma holding Jax to send to Grandpa, but I was in such a hurry to see my baby that I forgot to grab the real camera.  Chloe and Jacob really just wanted to play around. . . so we walked back to see Jaxen and get a couple of pictures through the window and then I was going to let them watch my tv.  When we got back to the NICU window, Daddy had gotten Jaxen to eat almost all of his bottle.  I was totally impressed and kind of jealous.  But I don't care who got him to eat, I am so happy that he ate!!  I think it's awesome that Jerry got to have that glory with Jaxen too! 

Jerry switched me places again and he took the kids down to my room to watch tv.  Mom and I got to love on the little man for a while, we didn't stay too long because Joanna was in the hallway learning about birthing babies!  LOL  Plus they needed to get home since Mom had to work tomorrow.  And I needed to get packed up and checked out.  I really thought about rooming in with Jaxen.  Since the hospital offers it free to parents who just have to wait a few days for their baby to follow.  I could still use and be in the room but the nurses wouldn't check on me or get my medicine - basically I'd be on my own.  But after thinking about it and talking to the nurses I didn't feel the need to stay.  Chloe, Jacob and Jerry needed me to come home and Jaxen was in good hands.

It took a while to get discharged and with all the hustle with getting registered and transferring hospitals - I didn't get the packet of information that I needed to fill out Jaxen's birth certificate.  So it was a good thing that I questioned it as we were getting discharged.  Jerry and I sat down and filled out the information that they need to issue a birth certificate and a social security number.  I got my prescriptions and discharge papers, loaded up all the bags and we headed out to tell Jaxen goodnight.  They were taking out Jaxen's IV when I got in the NICU, because it was making his leg swell a little bit.  I couldn't watch too long because I just didn't want to see him poked.  But the nurse did say that if it took more than a couple pokes, then they weren't going to put a new one in unless he needed it again. 

Leaving the hospital was a chore!  Especially with 2 kids and a cart load full of bags, gifts, and flowers!  When we finally got it all loaded, we headed to Walmart to get my drugs!  Since we had a 30 minute wait I was able to get a picture printed out for Chloe to take to school and show off tomorrow.  I printed out one for Jacob too.  It's so cute watching Chloe and Jacob walk around with pictures of their little brother.  I really can't wait until they are all together!! 

The dogs and cats were happy to see us when we got home this evening.  Jerry dealt with the animals, while I fed the kids and got my kitchen cleaned.  It's amazing how the house stood still since Friday. . . I'm quite disappointed that the cleaning fairies never showed up.  We let the kids play and relax at home while I got the bags put away or close to where they go.  I did what I could but stopped when I got tired.  I don't want to over do it. . . I want to be able to take care of my kids - all three of them!!

Once Jerry and I got the kids in bed we sat down and called the NICU to get our bedtime update on Mr. Jaxen.  And it was a BIG UPDATE!!  The nurse said that since we last seen him at 5:30pm - Jaxen has had his IV taken out and not put back in, they gave him his first bath, dressed him in a t-shirt and turned off his warmer, AND he ate his entire bottle while being rocked to sleep by his nurse!!  All of which are giant steps to coming home!!  I am praying he can maintain his own temperature throughout the night and he's starving for another bottle by morning!! 

Well I better get off of here, I'm going to shower and enjoy some good sleep in my nice and comfy bed.  Got to get up and get Chloe on the bus. . . then I a lots of phone calls to make.  Goodnight!